When being right is wrong and being wrong is right....
I have endured session after session of therapy - supported by those who care more than you the reader will ever know.
My body has told me to stop but my heart and the support I receive tells me to keep going - even when it feels wrong but it's serving me right.
So why have I written this?
Because you... yes you know who you are... you won't allow me to recover.
I am not alone in this. You might be the person who I am speaking to. The one that believes they are right and that I am wrong.
You might however be the person who knows how I feel. When I refer to "we". We speak out about how we feel we have been let down; feelings and thoughts passed over and ignored.
When we speak out about how behaviours of others are affecting our recovery but yet it falls on deaf ears... as being right is seen and treated as wrong. When we are told that the traumas we have endured are mistakes... mistakes made that are to forever become learning opportunitues for the future.
That the opinions of yourself and others are not valid despite it continuing to contribute to your traumas... that you are wrong and they are right. When did wanting validation for what you are feeling become so difficult?
When did highlighting you have been wronged become such a dirty word or phrase?
When did wanting to do right by others become so wrong?
If you tell a person enough times that their thoughts and feelings are not valid, they begin to believe it. Without justification for how they feel they can never become better...they are wrong and you are right.
If you tell a person that their thoughts and feelings are not real, that the opinions of others are more important, that their grievances are not worthy of being acknowledged... they are forever wrong and you are erroneously right. When everything that went wrong is deemed as learning, no one learns anything other than the victim.
The victim of the job, the circumstance, the contempt of others. Guilt builds. The lack of acknowledgement, refusing to offer peaceful solace, standing by the mantra "its ok not to be ok" but with no substance when I that hand is raised. If I am not treated as a victim, why do I or should I feel like I am? I am wrong.. you are right.
The 'professional victim' is a victim nonetheless. To be victim shamed means that you have no right to feel the way you do - betrayed, berated, bereaved. The victim is wrong and you are right. When people who step forward to help are treated with equal contempt, disregard and bullied, that feeling of guilt in the victim builds further. Now you aren't dealing with your battles alone but feel for those that have stepped into the arena with you - taking the blow so you don't have to. When they are made to feel that doing right by those they support is wrong.... Why should it be the victim that learns?
Why should it be those trying to help that have to adapt?
When will it be that people admit when they are wrong and the words "I'm sorry" are said to help make things right. Very simple words but sometimes that is all you need.
Sorry can mean so much... its an acceptance that mistakes were made, acknowledgement that others are at fault and the realisation that maybe you as a victim are deserving of care.
When being wrong means that someone has the opportunity to be right... When it is seen as wrong to treat anyone with kindness and care yet the right thing to do nothing for fear of getting it wrong.
It is better to fail trying than to never to try at all and better to admit you were wrong then pretend you are right.
If caring and kindness is wrong then ignorance and avoidance is right.... right? We all know the meaning of right and wrong... unfortunately translation for some has got lost along the way - rightly or wrongly.