Just get over it…
Something that we hear so often - either those precise words or a generalised consensus communicated through other means. Sometimes verbalised; sometimes in behaviours and actions.
Just get over it…
It’s that simple. Whatever is causing you stress, anxiety – whatever is keeping you awake at night, causing those cold sweats, the feeling of suffocation – just get over it.
Just get over it.
Those deep rooted traumas, the thought of THAT test of a bleeping nature, the heart flutters, the physiological symptoms – just get over it.
Its that simple… right?
Oh how we have been so blind! All those businesses, Organisations, Charities investing heart and soul into supporting others - All we had to was say “just get over it” and all would have been well…
No.
There is a distinct narrative of late where others are seemingly asserting their own opinions on whether a person’s anxieties, stressors, feelings are valid. We are of course all entitled to an opinion – that is not in dispute. What this is about is when your opinions on whether someone should or shouldn’t feel a certain way are hurtful, painful, damaging.
In many ways, this isn’t necessarily the fault of that person. They may be uninformed, uneducated on the topic at hand, have never had all consuming anxiety – if they had, maybe they would respond differently. If that is you – good. Well done. We are genuinely pleased that you haven’t had to endure trauma, stress you were unable to navigate.
But lets be very clear on something.
NO ONE GETS TO DECIDE HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING.
NO ONE GETS TO SAY WHETHER YOUR FEARS ARE VALID.
NO ONE GETS TO DENOTE RATIONALITY.
If we were talking about physical and not mental health, this would be a non topic.
Anyone that knows us and has partaken in our training will know that we love an analogy. So in keeping with tradition, here is our go to…
You are a runner. You run 5k 4 times a week.
One day, you trip and break your ankle.
Weeks of being in a cast followed by physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, pain killers all means you will be well on your way to hitting that road again.
When the cast comes off, the bone is healed… why not start running now?
It’s sore
Just get over it
There is more than just bone damage
Just get over it
I need to make sure my ankle is strong again
Just get over it
Would we be saying this to someone in this situation?
Of course not
So why isn’t the same courtesy and empathy extended to the mind?
When the person has been given the all clear to start training again, would it be reasonable to assume they may have some anxiety taking those first few running steps forward?
The what if’s kicking in?
What if the road is slippery, icy – what about pot holes?
Will I fall again?
Will it be worse?
Was it my fault?
All those doubts creeping in…
Would the judgement prevail in these circumstances?
No
Physically, the person has been told they can do something…. The mind however may question that.
It’s more than being physically fit.
Mental fitness is key.
Any professional sports person will tell you how important mental fitness is to success or failure. The athlete doesn’t turn up to the start line believing they will lose – if they do, they have already lost.
It’s the schrodingers cat paradox (look it up!).
This isn’t about having a glass half full approach, believing it to achieve it and all the host of other little quips what we hear all… the.. time…
We say, who put the glass on the table in the first place? Who decided whether that vessel is a shot glass or great big tumbler?
Only you do – that’s mental fitness.
There are those though who think they know better; that will rebuke your feelings. That will seek to place YOUR glass on that table and tell YOU what does or doesn’t get to fill it.
This attitude has an impact in mental fitness.
However… those that outright display these unhelpful traits can be dealt with; their impact managed.
Yes it can be managed – as with the broken ankle analogy, the brain can be trained to increase its mental fitness. We know this to be a fact; we support over 350 people to do just this!
AND IT WORKS
A great man once said “give me a thief over a liar any day”. What he meant was at least you know a thief will steal – with a liar you never know what’s true and what isn’t.
Those who widely appear supportive, kind, empathetic – display these brilliant traits to the world when the reality of their interactions on a day to day basis is anything but. This isn’t a dig at any one in particular – if you read this and think it is about you, guess what – it probably is!
We all see the world differently. This is what makes us as human beings special.
An exercise we do at the start of our courses and certainly do with our 1-2-1 clients on a Breathe Lifestyle plan is window scoping.
Look out the window and note the first thing you see. The next person will see something else.
I see a tree.
You will see the bus going past.
Are you wrong for seeing the bus and not the tree? The bus is bigger, its red, its right in front of the window – rationally why didn’t I see the bus? I must be wrong – there must be something wrong with me…
You can see where this is going.
It’s the same principle with the ‘just get over it’ tribe.
You are made to question your mental fitness, your rationality, the validity of your thoughts and feelings.
We have one thing to say to those that try to assert their beliefs; their opinion on the validity of your anxieties; their sense of the rationality of YOUR emotions...
Just get over it